How to live in the moment in our “agenda-society”?

“What’s not in your agenda, isn’t in your life” is a famous phrase. But is there still a way to live in the moment in our “agenda-society”? I believe it’s all about how and what we plan and how we adapt to life and to our human nature.

When I started with my business, my agenda was pretty empty. It was a new project starting from zero after a sabbatical time and I had to decide what to focus on first. There were so many ideas in my head. Then I got to know more and more people, collaborators. My first clients started trusting me, we agreed on meetings, workshops. I signed up for new trainings, I started going to entrepreneur events. And the agenda built up naturally. Of course, I also put all my important private events in my agenda, time with my friends and family, concerts, brunches, yoga classes etc. and most importantly: I always block “me-time” slots. Still, there came a moment this spring where my agenda reminded me a bit of my “Corporate agenda” a few years ago. And hadn’t I been so determined to not going back to this habit of having such an incredibly “full week”? To have a bit more space to “go with the flow”? Is it even possible to live in the moment in today’s “agenda-society”? I also came across the phrase “I can do anything but not everything” (David Allen) and it put a lot of things into perspective. Lesson learnt I sat down, reflected, “decluttered” and re-organised my agenda. And I realised: My agenda is a reflection of my priorities. Independently of your job or lifestyle – I hope these questions & statements help:

1. What are my 3 main goals this week?
   It helps me to define them the week or weekend before the new week starts. They are like rocks and non-negotiable. Even though everything else might change (unless there is an emergency of course) – I will do my best to achieve these goals. They can be business or private goals. My 3 main goals are usually something that can be done in 10-12 hours or/and on 1-2 working days. The reason is that I want to keep myself flexible and be able to adapt to spontaneous events as well as how I’m feeling. And I mean it exactly like this. We are human beings and our mental/emotional/physical/social condition is key for important decisions. I think we need to finally understand that and integrate it also in our business structures. Less is more. 3 milestones achieved, really well executed, with creativity and full of energy, are a lot better than 30 “half-hearted” To Do’s ticked off. And I promise you: When you focus on 3 and give yourself the space for the rest, you usually get done a lot more than that. This is closely linked to point 2.
   
   
2. How much time is planned and how much “flow” time is there?
   I’ve decided I want and need to keep overflow / flexible slots in case things take longer and to adapt to the circumstances. I’ve realised: The majority of events take longer than we initially plan. So I block time after every meeting and I don’t go to several business events on one evening but decide which one I dedicate my full attention to. When I have a workshop with a client, I block time before to prepare mindfully and tune into my best energy for the group, and: I block A LOT of time when I work on something creative, eg. when I prepare a new program or write. Human connections and creativity need space. Same for my private plans: A few years ago, I sometimes had 2 or 3 events on a Saturday. Now I might have one, eg.: A brunch with friends, which usually starts at noon (12.00). If we finish after a few hours, I have the evening for myself or to do something spontaneously. That’s perfect. Or if we all feel like it: We might be spending the whole day together, from brunch to a drink to a walk to dinner. This happens with close friends and it has even happened with business contacts, and is only possible when everyone creates the space for it.
   (Another example: I’m currently completing a new online training (Trauma-sensitive Yoga) and I often stop the video because I have an idea, want to look closer into a term of neuroscience or try a certain move again. So for a class of 2,5 hours I might take 3 hours or 4 hours. Studying is a huge priority for me and as I don’t know how long I might take, it’s on me to plan enough “overflow” time. August is a great moment as business-wise it’s a quiet month in Spain.)
   
   
3. Does this event/person deserve a place in my agenda?
   It might sound harsh but I do ask myself this question now every time before I block a slot. There are so many opportunities. So many interesting activities to do. So many interesting people to meet and spend time with. It all comes down to defining you priorities. (For more help on that, read this article: https://littlehealthyhabits.com/taking-the-time-for-your-priorities/) It’s important to remember the phrase “I can do anything but not everything”. Out of respect for the other person, it’s better to say very honestly: “No, this is not a priority for me right now”. Or: “Right now I have other priorities but we can talk again in 2-3 weeks”. Let’s be honest: We have the time. We have the time for the people and activities we truly care about.
   
   
4. Do we have to plan that right now or can we just see how we feel?
   I LOVE that more and more people – at least in my environment – are adopting this concept: I want to meet you but let’s see how we feel and define the exact time slot / plan in a few days. This does not mean that this person is not important – it’s exactly the opposite. I want to be in a condition to give the other person my full attention. Again: A “half-hearted” catch-up where you aren’t even able to listen actively, just because it was already in the agenda, and actually thinking: “Oh my god I can’t wait to get home and lie down.” is a lot worse than saying: “I have many activities this week already so I want to see how my body feels or how long I take for X and Y before I decide what day/time I can meet you. Can I tell you tomorrow/on that day/can we talk again on the weekend?” This happens in both directions of course and is only possible, when all parties involved embrace this concept. And it happens that someone says: “Julia, I know I was supposed to meet you tonight but I’d prefer to cancel and see you another day.” I find that amazing! We don’t need any excuses to not see someone. Usually it’s because someone is tired but it doesn’t matter. Let’s plan that we meet but adapt to the moment at the same time. This sums up in point 5.
   
   
5. Let’s embrace our human being nature
   Our emotions and body sensations are in constant change. Our heart rhythm increases, we might start sweating and/or feel a knot in our stomach when we are nervous eg. when we talk in front of many people. We might feel excited, joyful and light, when we are with our loved once or when we dance. We might feel calm and relaxed when we are in a safe environment, in our “happy place”, when our parasympathetic nervous system and especially the ventral vagus nerve is activated. Throughout the day we go through different states of emotions, and they can change within seconds. There are practices of course to calm down, to “come back to the present moment”, to concentrate again. As human beings we are rational, logical, so we know we don’t want to give into every emotion. But is it that easy? It isn’t. At the same time we sometimes often want to plan everything into the last detail and forget that a sudden event and/or emotion might make the whole concept or idea of this tight schedule a mission impossible. Why so much pressure? Let’s give ourselves a bit more grace in this balancing act between our emotional and rational being. Let’s be honest about how we feel, adjust and adapt to both external and internal circumstances – and integrate this concept into our agenda. I know we are on our way, step by step.
   
   To sum up: Having an agenda is great. For me, it’s a reflection of my priorities and my goals and it’s beautiful to look back into my agenda from March for example and see what milestones I achieved there. It’s like a “story line”. My agenda is my “companion of structure”, but it’s not a prison. My agenda breathes and adapts and can change. It’s all about how we plan, how flexible we stay and how well we know ourselves to decide what/who gets a place in our agenda.
   How to live in the moment in our “agenda-society”? Let’s respect our nature and respect each other.